An update for myself as a reminder and another tool to keep track of my health/joint issues at this point and for those who might have any interest, but I warn you of the boring and maybe complaining undertone of this post.
Originally I had severe pain in one side of my body, down my left leg, deep in my buttocks and hips and wrapping around to wear your leg bends. This wasn’t exactly overnight pain. I had some similar pains in the last 2 weeks of pregnancy, but assumed it was just part of carrying a baby. It took me awhile to consider this as a potential connection when I was asked about overall health by my acupuncturist at that time. When this began I saw the doctor who told me it was just a deep medium size muscle in my buttocks. They recommended some physio to fix it up. Obviously thinking a few appointments for get that muscle to loosen up and then my sciatic pain would go away.
I booked physio right away and had 6-8 appointments. The physio did initially give me the ability to move a bit more with the focus being stretching out my muscles and releasing them so I would no longer have sciatic pain and get back to my new baby and my happy life. In these first 6 weeks or so I truly assumed that my short term pain was really just short term. I still felt incredible sadness and frustration that my summer was not going to go as planned and was more emotional then I thought I should be over something that was just going to go away.
Then physio stopped working and everything leveled off and stopped improving, my muscles were stretched, my sciatic pain was better, but I was still in overwhelming pain. I figured I was slowly improving so I’d just have to be gentle, not push myself too much and rest and it’d go away.
And then I thought it was improving and I felt such a sense a hope, this would be over and I’d get back to myself and go for walks, enjoy my children, do things in my life that I’ve not had time to enjoy before and just do what I wanted. I’d be back to my old self quickly, and it seemed I improved greatly and suddenly. I felt even lighter like a weight had been lifted. I still hurt, but I was able to slowly and carefully pick up my baby, I went for 2 small walks, that I couldn’t quite complete and even made a brave trip to the zoo. All this activity did cause me aching pain and was exhausting and I occasionally noticed my right side aching, but I was still convinced I was going to be better and things would finally get back on track.
As it turned out this pain just transitioned from one side to the other almost suddenly and overnight. I’ve never felt so incredibly hopeless and very sorry for myself. I was shocked and feeling like what I’d been told about having to learn to live with the pain might be my new reality. I’m surrounded by very caring family and friends, my husband is doing everything he knows how to for me even with his sense of frustration growing, but there is nothing I’ve experienced more isolating then this deep pain. It had completely taken over. It occupied (still does) my brain so fully that I felt stuck and unable to move forward with anything in my life many times.
Keep in mind that I’ve consumed a decent amount of various medications or supplements to help and have taken them in variation continuously. This is not good and caused my stomach to burn. It’s a very bad sign when you chase your meds with Gaviscon directly from the bottle, not to mention that swallowing pills with a chalk substance is rather unpleasant.
I knew after this move to the right side started that I couldn’t just live like this and that something was actually wrong that wasn’t going away. I talked myself out of this terrible roller coaster of emotion and sadness and decided no one was going to take control of this or fix it for me. So I have devoted all my time and efforts to figuring out how to correct this problem and finding the proper professionals to help. I now knew that “resting” alone would not fix me and I had to get control as best as I could over what was happening. So I began to work through the pain that was now far worse, but slightly different than on the left and the pain on the right was intense enough that I often didn’t notice the left side aching.
This taking control thing is a frustrating process in itself and costly. It takes up all of my days and requires well planned appointments that include coordinating child care. I spent many late evenings doing internet research to find out what was wrong with me and different tips I could try in order to get better. I’m learning how little is known about what I’m dealing with and how each profession I seek out thinks so little of the other (acupuncturist, doctors, physio, chiropractor, naturapath doctors, etc.).
I’m also learning how alone it feels to be like this, to feel an inability to take control of this pain and do the things I so badly want to do, for myself, for my new daughter and for my family. The world is moving on and I got to stay in my house when I could and sit in my reclining chair with a pillow set just right so I could take the edge of this pain and just watch. I also don’t accept help easily and don’t handle feeling vulnerable well. I don’t ask unless I’m desperate because I like to do things myself, take control of things in my life and be independent. I know this behavior isn’t helpful, but doesn’t seem to change my need to be independent.
So instead of being helpless I researched every night for many hours, thank goodness for Internet, and take what I learn to my new amazing physiotherapist and we walk through the information (he warns me of this internet research as any doctor would, that it’s not always helpful) and he helps me sort through next steps. It’s all a big trail and error game with many speculations. He has tried a lot of new things with me and works me somedays very hard occasionally causing me great pain, but he has made me feel somewhat better and in control. He says he has not had anyone come to him in such pain and was very patient and careful with me as I am so sensitive. He has come up with many suggestions, even alternative care that he admits as a guy who believes in the science of the body isn’t convinced of the effectiveness, but given my extreme situation says it’s time to try everything. He is the first medical person to encourage my research into other care as well as chiropractic care, but with caution of course.
I finally was able to proceed with booking my private MRI as it seemed Alberta Health had me on a very long list and the doctor was scanning for my initial pain in only one area. If you want to scan with MRI more one than one area it’s a separate appointment, more waiting. Enough time has passed with many assessments that we suspect the pain was coming from my SI Joints and Sacrum Torsion was a concern that was added into the possibility (these joints were obviously always suspect, but nothing was ever conclusive and there was a thought that my spine was greatly affected as well) Both the chiropractor I had a meet and greet with and physiotherapist figured the MRI wouldn’t really even show what was going on because both figured soft tissue or minor Sacrum movement and this doesn’t always show.
It would turn out that my MRI did show what we needed. My SI joints are very inflamed (beyond most normal inflammation) and “angry”. I’m the most complicated and extreme case my physiotherapist has come across (not sure if the validation of how I’ve been feeling made me feel better, because I’m not crazy and loosing my mind and being a big baby or worse about this, because this must mean that it’s very serious and will take a long time). The good news is that my spine and back appear to be in good shape, no major disc issues, other than some expected inflammation, therefore the chiropractor can move forward with trying to adjust the extreme misalignment of my hips in hopes that the inflammation will settle.
That first chiro adjustment was very scary for me. You hit a point in dealing with intense pain that you do think you cannot possibly handle anymore and trying something new and the prospect of possibly more pain is unbearable. So I was worried. BUT he didn’t hurt me! It was alarming those cracking sounds coming from my hips and somewhat painful to get into proper position, but I survived. AND a miracle happened, I felt like a new person. I was not pain free, but vastly improved, life changing improved. I climbed stairs with both legs and without clinging to the railing, I put socks on without wincing or pausing and best of all I could bend down and scoop Casey or put her down without a second thought.
The combination with my physio guy and chiro guy appear to be helping. I have more better days and less fluctuation throughout the day from pain to just aching and on some occasions continuous pain free hours. And my chiro is confident he can help me feel better for good. I am beginning to feel hope again that I can get back to my normal self and soon part take in my regular activities, which is incredibly empowering.
I also recognize that I am concerning myself with what is a likely temporary and repairable issue and occasionally it sounds like I am overly dramatic as it could be so much worse. This fact is not lost of me (most of the time), but I guess this is my reality and sometimes it’s hard to be more objective and realistic about what I am and have been dealing with.
And life continues...
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